1. |
A Start
02:29
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This is the start of a revolution hymn
(And it starts just like the rest – insecure and simple)
I'm letting these downer thoughts out of my head
(I'm letting teenage fears disappear like pimples)
I took the college route
I waged the safest bet
Nothing to show for it but debt, regret, and settlement
(And still the worst years of my life keep dragging on)
But I'm not quite giving up
'cause I'm not done giving in
I won't just settle for a lifetime filled with so much shit
(And so this verse is my version of moving on)
So this is the start of a revolution hymn
(Still just like the rest – stumbling through pitfalls)
I'm letting my arteries sanguinely drip
(I'm winding up my reel, I'm casting out my devils)
And for the first time in my 19 years
(I'm letting go of all these fears)
This is a start,
And it starts with this.
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2. |
Let Down
04:28
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Get in, the tank is full.
Drive out to empty spaces.
Turn off the cruise control.
Turn on your favorite station.
We kiss with both eyes closed,
and we kiss with third eyes opened.
And as our lips seek repose–
Spoken language of bodies broken.
I remember when I lost my mind in the moment I was losing myself and you,
You were oh so ready to let go.
And I can't recall those nights without feeling that I'll never relive them too,
but sometimes it's better not to know.
So pull off the dusty road,
pull up the parking brake,
turn off the radio,
turn on your best mistake.
I remember when I lost my mind in the moment I was losing myself and you,
You were oh so ready to let go.
And I can't recall those nights without feeling that I'll never relive them too,
(in that wintry wallowing with neither saying that we knew what we had to do)
sometimes it's better not to know.
You're just a let down,
set down all that you cost and get out,
out of my head now without knowing you lost all you found.
Know that you let down.
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3. |
Nightmares of Nocturnes
03:42
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4. |
Comforter + Sheets
05:37
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I've been struggling to keep my comforter and sheets together,
honestly, this lack of static mocks me,
with every veiled expression of my self-induced depression I'm immobilized,
and more stagnant than the laundry.
I've been striving not to be a cog in the machine
but sometimes can't decide if this sacrifice is working
as each obligatory purchase somehow makes me feel more worthless
like I'm letting life just canter by
don't go
won't somebody tell me why this therapy compels me not to know
why everything you cherish surely someday has to perish
don't grow old
well I watched words slip through out those cherry-painted lips as you apologized
while every instinct warned me
that I'd better savor this regrettable behavior
let it mollify my callous, callow heartbeat.
but I felt you sever more with every vain endeavor
meant to rectify
I'm wrecked if I
let your decision warp me into a derision
just recant the lies
that tantalize, baby
and I never hated you, I just needed a label to
affix to the vessel that I poured all my resentment into,
and I know there's something to be said for all the pain I've caused you but just let me go
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5. |
Mortalem Te Esse Memento
02:52
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6. |
Procrastination
04:41
|
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|
Sometimes I wish I could just keep my mouth sewn shut,
And sometimes I wish I could make my brain self-destruct,
And destroy all the fears I can't let go of,
Before I voice them and they ruin everything I've come to love.
But what's done is done,
And it's gone for good.
My heart has never sung such a sweet, sappy song,
So I start finding what could possibly go wrong.
I am obsessed with these thoughts and they swirl in my head and they tear me apart and I knew that the second I told you you'd hate me but I just don't know how else to make them stop. So I waited and waited, I procrastinated, I prolonged till (I) no longer could put it off, and I tried to find the perfect time to explain it but that time wouldn't come. So I said it, I said it, and I fucking regret it, but damnit can't we just please try to forget it? Not dwell on it and let my pregnant psychoses affect our affectionate love, love?
But what's done is done,
And it's gone for good.
So goodbye, get gone, go on, yeah, [get out of here]
'Cause bad news is not news to me,
but I find sadness can still feel good.
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7. |
A Start (Reprise)
01:41
|
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|
This is the start of a revolution hymn
(And it starts just like the rest – insecure and simple)
I'm letting these downer thoughts out of my head
(I'm letting teenage fears disappear like pimples)
I took the college route
I waged the safest bet
Nothing to show for it but debt, regret, and settlement
(And still the worst years of my life keep dragging on)
But I'm not quite giving up
'cause I'm not done giving in
I won't just settle for a lifetime filled with so much shit
(And so this verse is my version of moving on)
So this is the start of a revolution hymn
(Still just like the rest – stumbling through pitfalls)
I'm letting my arteries sanguinely drip
(I'm winding up my reel, I'm casting out my devils)
And for the first time in my 19 years
(I'm letting go of all these fears)
This is a start,
And it starts with this.
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8. |
Soul Can Hope
02:02
|
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|
[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
By E. E. Cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
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9. |
See The Girl Seethe
01:41
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I think I'll stay inside tonight and wait for the earth to stop melting
and the stratosphere to quit burning my eyes.
I'd let your friends decide if I could stop all these flowers from wilting,
if this vigilante dust would just subside.
And the sun is bright but there're storm clouds in my head,
it's a lovely summer's evening but I can't for it to end.
Love to feel alright but the stars seem to portend
another night of seething stuck in bed.
And the sun is bright but there're storm clouds in my head,
it's a lovely summer's evening but I can't for it to end.
Love to feel alright but the stars seem to portend
just another quiet evening, a summer solely seething, a wound that won't stop bleeding though it mends.
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10. |
||||
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I woke up today around quarter to three,
peered out my window and then went back to sleep.
I figured I would just rather wait
for the flowers to bloom and the bees to pollinate.
I dreamt of your letter hidden in my drawer,
and all my responses crumpled on the floor.
How could I possibly relate
what three hundred miles somehow did not say?
(Dear, I fear I'll look back on my life and hear them say I let you get away. Dear, I fear I'll never get the chance to nuptialize.)
I woke up again to an empty room,
the last rays of sunlight reflected by the moon.
Another Decembered Saturday,
they only remind me that I am so far away.
Well I've been here for so long,
oh and I'm trying not to show
that winters in Pittsburgh
just leave me frozen on my own, alone.
So darling anywhere you'd like I'll call home.
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